There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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