Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.