Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.