Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning