Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.