24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She has the best kind of daddy issues