I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The Olympian is in my bed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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