Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
