you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
