I wish my penis had an off switch
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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