how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
