My hand turned me down
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
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Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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