Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize