It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize