So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
