My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
