No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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