And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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