nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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