Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
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For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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