I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
