bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
