she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish you could order shots online.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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