didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize