I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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