Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
