I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
