Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
