Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
oh god the rape fog is back!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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