Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
