I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
