so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
