fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
