This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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