Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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