Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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