who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?