i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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