the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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