I puked a lego.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
