If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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