i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
