You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
