They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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