I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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