I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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