It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
do herpes really smell.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
