Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
