New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
