i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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