yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The ass gains better be worth it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
