i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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