If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
