he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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