Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
