You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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