Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
