their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
