im holly from the hills drunk
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
