Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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