did you get engaged???
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
