Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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