Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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