i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
