We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
