my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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