That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
