Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
