there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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