Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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