I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this boner is exhausting
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize