hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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