i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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