Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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