He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
