I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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