he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
