I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
