That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
