I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
