Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
